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What Is Guilt Tripping?

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

damircudic / Getty Images

• Getting Help

Frequently Asked Questions

A guilt trip means causing another person to feel guilt or a sense of responsibility to change their behavior or take a specific action. Because guilt can be such a powerful motivator of human behavior, people can wield it as a tool to change how others think, feel, and behave. 

Sometimes this might involve leaning on something that someone already feels guilty about. In other cases, people might induce feelings of unjustified guilt or responsibility to manipulate the other person's emotions and behaviors.

If someone has ever made you feel bad about something you’ve done (or didn’t do) and then used those bad feelings to get you to do something for them, then you have experience with guilt tripping.

This article discusses the signs, types, and impact of guilt trips. It also covers some of the steps you can take to cope with this type of behavior.

Signs of a Guilt Trip

Guilt trips can be intentional, but they can also be unintentional. There are chances that you have even guilt-tripped people into doing things before.

Sometimes guilt tripping behavior can be easy to spot, but it can also be much more subtle and difficult to detect.  Some key signs that others may be guilt-tripping you include:

• Making comments suggesting that you have not done as much work as they have done
• Bringing up mistakes that you have made in the past
• Reminding you of favors they have performed for you in the past
• Acting as if they are angry but then denying that there is a problem
• Refusing to speak to you or giving you the silent treatment
• Making it clear through their body language , tone of voice, and facial expressions that they disapprove of what you were doing
• Suggesting that you “owe” them
• Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior
• Making sarcastic comments about your efforts or progress

It is important to note that this type of indirect communication can occur in any interpersonal relationship. Still, it is more likely to take place in relationships that are marked by close emotional connections.

It can show up in romantic relationships, but guilt trips may also be utilized in family relationships, parental relationships, and even work relationships.

Types of Guilt Tripping

There are many different types of guilt trips that people may utilize depending on the ultimate goal or purpose of the behavior. Some of the different purposes of a guilt trip include:

• Manipulation : Sometimes, the primary goal of a guilt trip is to manipulate someone into doing something that they normally would not want to do.  
• Conflict avoidance : In other cases, people may use guilt trips to avoid directly talking about an issue. It allows them to get what they want without having to engage in direct conflict.
• Moral education : Guilt trips can also be a way of getting someone to engage in a behavior that the individual feels is more moral or “right.”
• Elicit sympathy : In some cases, guilt-tripping allows the individual to gain the sympathy of others by casting themselves in the role of someone who has been harmed by the actions the other person is supposed to feel guilty about.

Guilt isn't always a bad thing. While often troubling and unpleasant, it can serve an important role in guiding moral behavior. When people experience guilt, they can fix their mistakes and avoid repeating the same errors in the future.

Researcher Courtney Humeny

A guilt trip does not appear to induce the benefits of guilt, such as making amends, honesty, and mutual understanding.

Impact of Guilt Trips

Invoking feelings of guilt to change someone’s behavior can have a wide variety of effects. Whether guilt is wielded intentionally or not, it prevents healthy communication and connections with others. Some of the most immediate effects of this form of covert psychological manipulation include:

Damage to Relationships

Research suggests that guilt trips can take a toll on close relationships. One study found that people hurt by their partner's criticism were more likely to use those hurt feelings to make their partner feel guilty and offer reassurances.

However, the study also found that the partner who had been guilt-tripped into offering assurances was more likely to feel significantly worse about the relationship.

In other words, inducing feelings of guilt may work to get your partner to do what you want—but it comes at a cost. It can impair trust and cause the other person to feel that they are being manipulated. 

One of the reasons why guilt trips can poison relationships is because they can lead to lasting feelings of resentment.

"A guilt trip imposes aversive states associated with guilt, along with feelings of resentment from feeling manipulated," Humeny suggests.

A single occasion of someone using a guilt trip to alter your behavior might not have a serious impact on your relationship. Repeated use of guilt trips can leave you feeling bitter.

If you feel that your partner is always going to guilt you into something that you don't want to do, it can decrease intimacy, reduce emotional closeness, and ultimately make you start to resent your partner.

Research suggests that appeals to guilt are a common type of persuasion technique . However, while guilt can compel people to take certain actions, it can also sometimes backfire.

Low-level guilt tends to motivate people to act on the persuasive message. High levels of guilt, however, often fail due to what researchers call "reactance." 

"An individual in a state of reactance will behave in such a way as to restore his freedom (or, at least, his sense of freedom), for example, by performing behaviors that are contrary to those required," explain researchers Aurélien Graton and Melody Mailliez in a 2019 article published in the journal Behavioral Sciences .

In other words, guilt trips can backfire and lead people to behave opposite how someone else wants them to act. For example, someone guilt-tripping you into calling them more often might actually result in calling them less.

Poor Well-being

Feelings of excessive guilt are associated with several mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression , and obsessive-compulsive disorder . Being subjected to guilt trips may contribute to the development or worsening of such conditions.

Experiencing guilt can also lead to many immediate and unpleasant emotions and symptoms such as anxiety, sadness, regret, worry, muscle tension, and insomnia.

This type of covert manipulation may also sometimes contribute to the development of a guilt complex , which is a persistent belief that you have done (or will do) something wrong.

Over time, guilt can lead to feelings of shame. Shame can affect your self-image, which can then contribute to social withdrawal and isolation.

How to Cope With Guilt Tripping

There are a number of tactics that can be helpful when dealing with a guilt trip. Some steps you can take include:

• Acknowledge the request. Let them know that you understand that it is important to them. Responding with empathy and showing that you see their needs may help them feel that they are not simply being ignored. Validating their emotions may help lessen the intensity of those feelings.
• Share your feelings . Explain that you also see how they are trying to make you feel guilty so that you'll do what they want. Then tell them how that type of manipulation makes you feel. Suggest that interacting in that way will lead to resentment and that more direct communication forms would be more effective. 
• Set boundaries . Boundaries help set limits on what you will and will not accept. Even if you do end up helping them with their request, make sure you clearly articulate your limits and explain the consequences of crossing those boundaries. Then be sure that you enforce those limits if they are crossed.

Other things that you can use include protecting your self-esteem and distancing yourself if needed. You're more likely to fall for a guilt trip if you already feel poorly about yourself, so find strategies to build up your sense of self-worth. 

If the other person keeps trying to manipulate you with feelings of guilt, reduce your communication with them or even consider ending the relationship.

Protecting your own well-being should be a top priority. A person who tries to manipulate you with toxic feelings of shame and guilt does not have your best interests at heart.

Getting Help for Guilt

If you are experiencing feelings of guilt or related symptoms of anxiety, stress, or depression, talk to your health care provider or a mental health professional. They can recommend treatment options such as psychotherapy or medications that can help manage symptoms and improve the quality of your life.

Your doctor or therapist may suggest a type of therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) , which may help reduce inappropriate guilt feelings. This type of therapy can help you identify and change the negative thoughts and cognitive distortions that can contribute to feelings of guilt.

Your therapist can also help you learn to recognize the signs of a guilt trip—and help you practice strategies to cope with this type of emotional manipulation.

An example of guilt tripping might be your friend calling you and saying, "I know you are too busy with work to hang out. I'll just spend the evening by myself. I just thought that since I helped you get that job you would make sure to make a little more time for me." This type of comment is designed to induce feelings of guilt and bring up the idea that you "owe" them in some way.

Guilt tripping is often designed to manipulate other people by preying on their emotions and feelings of guilt or responsibility. This can be a form of toxic behavior that can have detrimental effects on a person's well-being as well as their relationships.

While both behaviors are destructive and toxic, they differ in key ways. Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that involves denying another person's reality and making them question their own experiences. Guilt tripping, on the other hand, is about causing another person to feel guilty in order to get them to change their behavior.

Humeny C. A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip . Conference: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.

Overall NC, Girme YU, Lemay EP Jr, Hammond MD. Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: the benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners . J Pers Soc Psychol . 2014;106(2):235-56. doi:10.1037/a0034371

Aurélien G, Melody M. A theory of guilt appeals: a review showing the importance of investigating cognitive processes as mediators between emotion and behavior .  Behav Sci (Basel) . 2019;9(12):117. doi:10.3390/bs9120117

Tilghman-Osborne C, Cole DA, Felton JW.  Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice .  Clin Psychol Rev . 2010;30(5):536-546. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007

Miceli M, Castelfranchi C.  Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt .  Eur J Psychol . 2018;14(3):710-733. doi:10.5964/ejop.v14i3.1564

Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.  The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties .  Personal Disord . 2015;6(4):310-4. doi:10.1037/per0000129

Cleantis T. Boundaries and self-care . Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.

Hedman E, Ström P, Stünkel A, Mörtberg E. Shame and guilt in social anxiety disorder: effects of cognitive behavior therapy and association with social anxiety and depressive symptoms . PLoS One . 2013;8(4):e61713. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0061713

Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R. "It's not in your head": Gaslighting, 'splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions .  Perspect Psychol Sci . 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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Why the 'Guilt Trip' Comes Naturally (but Can Be Problematic)

Guilt-tripping is common in relationships. While it can sometimes help get what you want, like your partner to change their mind, it can do more harm than good long term.

Picture this: Your partner asks you to wash the dishes tonight, and you really don’t feel like it, even though it’s your night to do the dishes.

“Rather than just saying ‘Honey, I’m so tired, I would so appreciate it if you would wash the dishes tonight and then I’ll double up the next two nights,'” you might take a less honest way out instead, says Becky White , a marriage and family therapist and founder of Root to Rise Therapy in Los Angeles.

“‘Well you hurt my feelings earlier today and so you owe me because you were mean … so, you do the dishes.'”

In this scenario, you might be laying on a guilt trip.

What is a guilt trip?

“A guilt trip is best defined as the intentional manipulation of another person’s emotions to induce feelings of guilt,” explains Liza Gold , a social worker and founder and director of Gold Therapy NYC.

In other words, it’s when one person, either purposely or unintentionally, tries to make someone feel guilty, remorseful, or bad about their decisions or choices. The guilt trip is crafted to get someone to change how they think, feel, or might act.

Who uses guilt-tripping?

Guilt trips tend to occur most frequently (and successfully) in close relationships, such as friendships, families, and romantic relationships.

Here’s why: To effectively make someone change their mind or actions, the guilt-tripper has to know that the other person cares about them and wants to avoid causing them pain or distress.

Why does it happen?

“Guilt-tripping is a natural form of passive-aggression that people result to when they don’t have the skills or language to assertively communicate their needs or feelings,” explains Gold.

That’s why, she says, you often see this behavior in children who haven’t yet learned how to ask for what they need.

But it can also happen when someone feels frustrated, annoyed, or sad and doesn’t know how to adequately express their feelings .

Signs someone might be trying to guilt-trip you

• making sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments, like “glad you’re finally paying attention to me”
• reminding you of their hard work or saying, “I do so much for you, so you should do this for me”
• bringing up past mistakes, even if they’re not relevant to the current situation, to make it seem like you never do anything right or “good” for them
• telling you that you “owe” them
• dismissing your efforts to make things better
• calling you a “bad” person, friend, or partner
• acting angry or distant but refusing to talk about what’s wrong
• giving you the silent treatment

Is guilt-tripping toxic?

Most folks have tried to elicit sympathy through a guilt trip once or twice. That doesn’t make anyone automatically toxic — especially if there wasn’t any real harm intended.

And guilt — in and of itself — isn’t a bad emotion. When we feel guilty for hurting someone, it can motivate us to apologize and do better in the future.

Sometimes parents might use guilt-tripping on purpose to teach their children a lesson.

“Parents occasionally rely on guilt-tripping to teach their children right from wrong,” explains Gold. “For example, [they might say] ‘you shouldn’t have hit your friend, Tommy. You hurt him.’ [And] the idea behind guilt-tripping children is to teach them resourcefulness when they have caused emotional or physical harm to another.”

However, people who guilt-trip are often trying to manipulate another person to achieve a goal — and that can be toxic behavior.

“It leaves the receiver feeling bad and ashamed for expressing their preferences or feelings,” Gold says. There are better ways to communicate and reach a compromise without having to hurt someone or your relationship.

A 2014 study found that guilt-tripping comes at a cost in romantic relationships: The person who gives in to the guilt trip can feel manipulated and worse about the relationship.

Meanwhile, a 2013 study suggests that when guilt-tripping happens frequently, it can lead to resentment and a loss of closeness and intimacy.

Repeated guilt-tripping takes a toll on your mental health, too.

A 2010 study found that persistent guilt can worsen anxiety, depression, and OCD, while a 2018 study found that when guilt leads to shame , it can affect self-esteem and promote isolation.

Guilt-tripping can also be a form of emotional abuse , especially if your partner:

• will never accept your apologies for mistakes
• makes no efforts to change or stop manipulating you
• makes you feel like you can’t do anything right

Is gaslighting the same as guilt-tripping?

No, gaslighting and guilt-tripping are not the same things — but they are both forms of manipulation. They can both be forms of emotional abuse.

“ Gaslighting differs from guilt-tripping in that the intention of gaslighting is to deny another person’s reality, whereas the intent of guilt-tripping is to induce guilty feelings,” explains Gold.

However, she continues, “guilt-tripping can be a form of gaslighting if the message being communicated denies the other person’s reality, [but] not all gaslighting is guilt-tripping.”

How to deal with guilt-tripping

If someone is trying to guilt-trip you, there are a few things you can do:

Depersonalize the guilt-trip

It can be helpful, says White, to realize that the person trying to guilt-trip is doing so because of their issues — not yours. “It’s about the other person’s inability to express their needs in a healthy way,” she explains.

Articulate your boundaries

If someone is repeatedly trying to guilt-trip you, you are in your right to state your boundaries and feelings.

For example, suggests Gold, you could say, “I don’t appreciate being made to feel guilty for expressing what I want or feel. I’m sorry it’s not the answer you wanted to hear but I’m not going to feel bad about having my own preferences.”

Listen and validate their feelings

As tough as it might be if you’re feeling hurt, it can sometimes be helpful to offer to listen and figure out why someone is trying to guilt-trip you.

You can ask open-ended questions, listen to how they’re feeling, and validate their feelings or frustrations.

For example, you could say, “You seem upset. Do you want to talk about it?”

Offer a compromise

For example, say your friend wanted to hang out after work, but you’re not up to it. You could tell them you can’t make it tonight, but consider suggesting a different time when you would be available.

Seek professional help

If guilt-tripping is a permanent feature in your relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist for either individual or couples therapy .

It can help you figure out how to deal with the behavior, find ways to change it, or — in the case of persistent emotional abuse — help you figure out how to leave a toxic relationship .

If you think you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, online, on the phone, or via text for support.

Let’s recap

Guilt-tripping can come easily, even if you don’t intend it.

So if you’ve resorted to this tactic in your life, don’t beat yourself up. But if you find yourself doing it, it might be worth asking yourself why you’re doing it, and communicate more directly how you’re feeling .

And if you’re experiencing guilt-tripping from someone else, there are ways to deal with it. A therapist can also help you cope.

Last medically reviewed on April 27, 2022

6 sources collapsed

• Gold L. (2022). Personal interview.
• Humeny C. (2013). A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259189194_A_Qualitative_Investigation_of_a_Guilt_Trip
• Miceli M, et al. (2018). Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt. https://ejop.psychopen.eu/index.php/ejop/article/view/1564
• Overall NC, et al. (2014). Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: The benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24079298/
• Tilghman-Osborne C, et al. (2010). Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735810000474?via%3Dihub
• White B. (2022). Personal interview.

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Is Someone Guilt-Tripping You? How To Identify and Respond to This Form of Emotional Manipulation

“Guilt-tripping is intentionally or unintentionally causing feelings of guilt in another person to manipulate or control them,” says Monica Vermani, C.Psych , a clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma, abuse, and relationships. She says it’s all about exerting influence and power.

• Amelia Kelley, PhD, PhD, MS, LCHMC, ATR, RYT , a trauma-informed therapist, author, podcaster, and researcher
• Monica Vermani, C. Psych. , clinical psychologist, public speaker, teacher and author
• Nancy B. Irwin, PsyD , clinical psychologist

It’s vital to note that the person being guilted may not even be in the wrong. “The natural emotion of guilt is employed as a manipulative tactic to create a sense of responsibility for something they may or may not have done,” says Amelia Kelley, PhD, LCMHC , a trauma-informed relationship therapist, podcaster, researcher, and co-author of What I Wish I Knew . “The narcissists and emotional abusers will use guilt as a gaslighting tactic to make their target take responsibility even if they are not at fault.”

In various ways, this kind of behavior boils down to a desire to gain power or control. “Typically, when others guilt-trip you, they are attempting to have the upper hand in some way, get something out of you, or keep you on your toes,” says Nancy Irwin, PsyD , a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma.

People who've experienced negative relationships or are disempowered are often the type to utilize guilt-tripping as a means of claiming control. “It may be the fear of being hurt again [that leads someone to guilt-trip],” says Dr. Kelley, adding that this is common for someone with an insecure attachment style or a fear of abandonment . “It could also be a result of the guilt-tripper not feeling comfortable with vulnerability and struggling themselves to take responsibility for their actions,” she adds, describing a behavior typical in the victim narcissist (or the narcissist who acts as if others are always out to get them).

• 01 How do you know if someone is guilt-tripping you?
• 02 What is narcissistic guilt tripping?
• 03 Is guilt-tripping gaslighting?
• 04 What is the negative impact of guilt-tripping?
• 05 Why am I guilt-tripping myself?
• 06 How to stop guilt-tripping yourself
• 07 How do you respond to someone guilt-tripping you?
• 08 When to seek professional help

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How do you know if someone is guilt-tripping you?

The experts say guilt-tripping can be either blunt and obvious or subtle and hard to identify. To tell if someone is manipulating you , they suggest looking for the following signs:

• Making passive-aggressive suggestions about how you haven’t done your “fair share”
• Reminding you of all the favors they’ve done for you
• Giving you the silent treatment ( yes, it’s a manipulation tactic !)
• A disapproving tone of voice, facial expression, or gesture to convey disappointment
• Making a cutting or unkind comment then saying they were “just joking”
• Continuing to bring up the “offense” or “mistake” either subtly or dramatically
• Glaring at you or deeply inhaling after hearing about a similar situation, or saying something like “Yes, I know the feeling”
• Making baseless accusations
• Struggling to take responsibility or ownership for their part
• Making you feel like you have to “make something up to them,” justify your intentions, or over-apologize
• An absence of an equal exchange of give and take, in which you’re always showing up for them without being able to ask for the same in return

Examples of guilt-tripping phrases

Generally speaking, there’s a key sign to look out for in these statements, Dr. Kelley says: dichotomous (aka, black-and-white) language.

Guilt-trippers “typically assign judgment and responsibility and are laden with blame and emotional blackmail aimed at the recipient of the comment,” says Dr. Vermani.

As specific examples of what a guilt-tripper may say, the experts listed the following:

• “You always/never….”
• “You make me feel…”
• “Men/women always…”
• “If you really cared or loved me…”
• “I thought you were on my side…”

What is narcissistic guilt-tripping?

Guilt-tripping behavior can be common among narcissistic people . “Narcissists are brilliant at projecting their own flaws or perceived inadequacies onto others,” Dr. Irwin says, noting they can’t own their mistakes, apologize, or self-correct. “Whatever comes out of a narcissist’s mouth, simply pause and ask yourself who they are really talking about.”

Guilt-tripping also gives them the control and power they seek, or more generally, what they want. “They seek attention and use guilt as a means of maintaining power over their victims,” Dr. Vermani adds. If the narcissistic person can make their partner think that they’re at fault, they may be better able to control how their partner acts.

Is guilt-tripping gaslighting?

Guilt-tripping and gaslighting are similar in that both are emotional abuse tactics used to manipulate and control, the psychologists say. They aren’t quite the same thing, though.

Gaslighting is making someone question their sanity, Dr. Irwin says, while guilt-tripping is informing someone of a claimed offensive and holding on to it.

Despite their differences, the two are often used in conjunction. “Gaslighting is meant to confuse or distort someone’s reality, which is not always the case with guilt-tripping,” Dr. Kelley says. “Commonly though, in order to employ a guilt trip, there needs to be distortions of reality that occur, which is where gaslighting comes in.”

She adds it can also be used to justify threats and accusations or engage the target in a power struggle. “[Targets] are constantly having to look at themselves and what they did wrong, which takes the spotlight of blame off the narcissist as the target remains on the defensive,” she explains.

What is the negative impact of guilt-tripping?

Guilt-tripping can hurt the relationship and the mental health of the person experiencing it. A 2010 study in Clinical Psychology Review 1 found that persistent guilt exacerbates depression, anxiety, and OCD symptoms, just to start.

“It has a direct impact on self-concept and self-esteem,” Dr. Kelley says. “If someone always feels they are to blame, or in the wrong, it can make it difficult to speak to oneself with compassion and continue to believe that you are worthy of the love and respect each and every one of us deserves.”

This can create an unhealthy power dynamic, she adds, as well as fail to properly address the situation at hand.

Further, Dr. Vermani notes that guilt-tripping can lead to resentment, a lack of trust, and anger in relationships, as well as an increased sense of powerlessness, anxiety, and/or mood disorders.

Why am I guilt-tripping myself?

People with insecurities or low self-esteem may be more prone to making themselves feel guilty, even for things they didn’t do. They may also be quick to assume someone is blaming them when they're not.

“As human beings, we all want to be heard, seen, and valued,” Dr. Vermani says. But when someone has low-self-esteem, she continues, they're highly critical and look for reassurance that their negative thoughts are right. “By assuming guilt for things that they have not done and are not their responsibility, they validate the narrative that they are inadequate and unworthy of love,” she says.

Self-imposed guilt-trips can be taught, too. Narcissistic people in particular tend to impose this kind of thing on others, according to Dr. Kelley.

“It is difficult to believe your needs and boundaries are valid if you are made to feel less than or like something is wrong with you,” she says. “Guilt-tripping can cause an enmeshed view of the self where what we do becomes who we are—which is not a correct or a healthy way to view the self. If you feel you are constantly causing damage in your wake, it can create an ongoing self-dialogue that becomes internalized assumptions about one’s negative impact on the world around them.”

Dr. Irwin adds another possible contributing factor in that situation: “Many times, people with low self-value want to be liked, and they will accept poor treatment to keep that person in their life,” she says.

How to stop guilt-tripping yourself

Sometimes, you may give yourself a guilt trip. When that’s the case, how can you stop feeling guilty ?

Give yourself compassion

This act of self-love, alongside being mindful of what exactly is going on, is crucial, according to Dr. Kelley. More specifically, she encourages leaning into the growth mindset , or the idea that we can improve as human beings. “[Know] that mistakes happen to all of us and they are there to learn from.”

Ask yourself if the guilt is appropriate or excessive

One piece that can help with self-compassion and letting go of guilt is by asking yourself: Is it called for? “Appropriate guilt is when you do/say something out of line with your ethics and integrity,” Dr. Irwin explains. “It calls you to a higher level.”

Excessive guilt, on the other hand, is unnecessary and unhelpful. It’s also usually “manufactured by someone else in order to manipulate you or to invite you to hold their guilt for them,” Dr. Irwin continues.

Foster healthy habits in your relationships

Surrounding yourself with healthy relationships can be a great self-esteem booster. Dr. Kelley encourages finding people who encourage you, setting boundaries with those who don’t.

Additionally, implement other healthy communication skills when the situation calls for it. “Make amends when needed and then practice the stages of forgiveness for yourself, whether or not someone else is granting that for you,” she says. The stages of forgiveness often begin with acknowledging the hurt or offense caused, followed by understanding and accepting the pain it inflicted. Then, a willingness to let go of resentment and anger gradually emerges, leading to a state of compassion and empathy toward the offender, ultimately culminating in a sense of peace and closure.

Remind yourself of key truths about guilt

Feeling external guilt is a red-flag emotion, according to Dr. Vermani. But what does that mean, exactly?

“It is a sign that there is someone who wants something from you—either your time, your energy, or your resources—that is in direct conflict with what you want for yourself,” she says. “When people expect things from you that are different from what you want to do, guilt is that red flag that arises to tell you that there is a conflict that you have to resolve…that is to say, the difference between what somebody wants from you and what you want from yourself.”

Aim to live authentically

Continuing on her above point, Dr. Vermani encourages people to do what feels right to them first and foremost. “Our goal in life is to live authentically,” she says, “not to people-please and sacrifice our limited resources of time and energy for others.”

How do you respond to someone guilt-tripping you?

Recognize what’s happening.

Acknowledging the fact that the person is guilt-tripping you—and what that means about the relationship—can be helpful in and of itself. Dr. Vermani reminds it’s “a red flag indicating that someone wants something of you that is not in alignment with what you want for yourself”—and remember, your goal is to live for yourself, not others.

Another key truth about guilt-tripping: It’s wrong and unhelpful. “Realize that guilt trips are a form of verbal and/or nonverbal hurtful and manipulative communication,” she adds. You don’t need that in your life!

Assert your boundaries

When setting boundaries around your time and energy, try to remember your power and stay calm, knowing you did nothing wrong. “This issue is not your fault and you will not be held responsible for it,” Dr. Irwin says. “Don’t go on and on explaining…you lose power.”

She encourages speaking succinctly and making eye contact while setting and reinforcing your boundaries.

Consider whether the relationship is worth continuing

Besides setting boundaries, Dr. Kelley encourages assessing whether you want to have this relationship anymore. “If someone makes you feel you are at fault all the time, this is not a healthy dynamic, and the sooner you set a solid boundary, the less long-term damage the person can have on you and your self-esteem,” she points out.

Practice making mistakes and getting through them

Yep, you read that right—allow yourself to mess up! “Try new things and experience making mistakes on purpose and then surviving those mistakes,” Dr. Kelley says. After all, without failure, there is no growth.

Encourage conversations that move you forward

When someone is guilt-tripping you, they may go on and on about the mistake you made. Dr. Irwin urges refusing to get on their guilt train, even when you hurt them in some way.

“Assertively communicate to the person that you know you made a mistake, have apologized/corrected it, and wish to move on having learned from it,” she says. “No need to hang onto negative feelings.”

Work on your self-esteem

Boosting your level of self-esteem is another suggestion from Dr. Vermani that can serve as “armor” when a guilt-tripper is trying to tear you down. Spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself, challenging negative thoughts, avoiding “should statements,” and recognizing triggers are all helpful self-esteem exercises .

Remind yourself of your power and right to say “no”

You aren’t powerless here, nor do you need to “give in” to what the guilt-tripper is throwing at you. Dr. Vermani encourages working on getting comfortable with saying “no.” Besides simply saying the word, she continues, this may look like calling the person out. Show them you won’t allow them to treat you that way.

Work with a mental health professional

Let’s be real: Setting boundaries is easier said than done. If you’d like a little extra support, consider seeing a counselor. They can help you create positive change, Dr. Vermani says.

When to seek professional help

For Dr. Irwin, the answer is simple: “As soon as one or both parties are in enough pain.” Assess for any gut feelings signaling this.

Dr. Vermani shares additional signs, including:

• Experiencing extreme distress or mental health concerns
• Noticing your day-to-day functioning is negatively impacted
• Realizing you’re engaging in manipulative behavior
• Struggling with feelings of low self-worth and hopelessness

A more proactive approach may be your best bet, though, according to Dr. Kelley. She encourages seeing a professional ahead of time, saying “before it even feels problematic, as I believe we all deserve an amazing support system and therapist in our corner.”

Otherwise, she continues, reach out when you feel like you’re losing parts of yourself or distancing yourself from other healthy relationships. Remind yourself regularly that you deserve better.

• Tilghman-Osborne, Carlos et al. “Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice.”  Clinical psychology review  vol. 30,5 (2010): 536-46. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007

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How to recognize a guilt trip & respond when it happens.

If someone has ever tried to make you feel bad about something without directly saying it, you may well have been a victim to guilt tripping. This behavior isn't uncommon, but if you don't know what to look for, you might not realize it's happening. Here's how to spot guilt trip signs, plus how to deal with it, according to experts.

What does "guilt trip" really mean?

Guilt tripping is a type of behavior that involves making someone feel guilty for something rather than directly expressing your displeasure. As therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, explains to mbg, it's a form of manipulation designed to either make the person feel bad or to get them to do something you want by evoking guilt.

According to both Page and licensed marriage and family therapist  Shane Birkel, LMFT, guilt tripping is classic passive-aggressive behavior because it indicates an inability—or at least an unwillingness—to communicate in a healthy and constructive way.

This kind of behavior can be seen across all kinds of relationships, from romantic to parent-child relationships to friendships, and even in the workplace between bosses or co-workers.

Why it's not OK to guilt trip someone.

It's not a bad thing to express when you feel hurt or upset by someone else's behavior, Page notes, but when you start to become passive aggressive and manipulative about it, that's when it becomes a problem. "Guilt tripping is indirect and manipulative, [and] it works by making people feel bad about themselves," he says.

Birkel adds that guilt tripping also doesn't require the same vulnerability as directly sharing your hurt and how you're feeling. "It's shaming the other person, making comments that make the other person feel bad, sort of blaming and attacking—and so in that way, I don't think there's ever an appropriate or OK situation to guilt trip. It's always going to be a harsh way of treating the other person," he notes.

Open and vulnerable communication, such as saying, "Hey, I understand we all run late sometimes, but it makes me feel like you're not prioritizing our time together when you show up late," for example, would not be guilt tripping, Birkel adds.

Is guilt tripping a form of gaslighting?

Gaslighting and guilt tripping are not the same, though they have "large areas of overlap," according to Page. He notes that gaslighting is all about denying someone's reality to make them question themselves, which is a "deep form of manipulation."

Guilt tripping is more about making someone feel bad or guilty for their behavior. That said, dark personality types like narcissists and other toxic people will often use both of these manipulation tactics freely and without remorse, Page explains.

Common signs to look out for:

• Behavior and comments meant to make you feel guilty or bad
• Making you feel like you owe them something
• Refusal to say what's wrong but acting upset
• Expressing negative feelings about you in indirect ways
• Comments like "I must not mean that much to you," "I'm glad you could finally squeeze me into your busy schedule," or, "I do so much for you," etc.
• Talking about you as a bad person, partner, friend, etc.
• Withholding affection and/or attention as punishment
• Passive-aggressive behavior

The main things you want to look for when it comes to someone guilt tripping you are an inability to express negative feelings directly and behavior that makes you feel guilty. As Page explains, "When you feel that sharp pang of guilt, ask yourself, what is happening? Are you being made to feel that you are less of a good person, or were they actually bothered appropriately by something you did that you need to fix and correct?"

When you become aware of how guilt feels in your body and the thoughts it makes you think, that's the quickest way to identify guilt tripping behavior, he adds. And if you're noticing a trend that this person has a hard time expressing when you've done something that bothers them, that's a telltale sign too.

Reasons for guilt tripping.

There are plenty of reasons that people resort to guilt tripping, whether subconscious or very much conscious. A lot of the time, Page explains, it's simply the "easiest" option, compared to actually being vulnerable and stating your needs and feelings in a direct way.

Sometimes people want sympathy, sometimes they want to manipulate your behavior, and sometimes they may just be looking for attention. But the key is they're not willing to be outright about what they're wanting from the interaction.

According to Birkel, guilt tripping someone can also be "a twisted way of trying to get compassion." They're trying to make you feel bad about what you did because they want you to understand how it hurt them, he says.

"Often, when we feel that something is wrong but we don't feel that we have a right to ask for what we want, we use guilt tripping or other passive-aggressive behavior instead," Page explains. "In other words, our guilt around our own needs makes us guilt trip other people."

Birkel also notes this kind of behavior can stem from having this behavior modeled for you growing up, as well as not having your needs met as a child. "If someone grew up in a family where they weren't allowed to have a voice, or their wants and needs were shut down by a parent, they might start guilt tripping others because they never learned how to communicate directly," he explains.

How to respond to a guilt trip.

How you choose to respond when someone guilt trips you will depend on everything from your communication style to how much patience you have in the moment and how serious the situation is. In extreme cases, especially in situations where you're being unfairly blamed for something, you always have the option to set a boundary and walk away from the conversation.

With all that said, Page and Birkel both recommend extending compassion when you can. "Underneath the guilt tripping is a request, hidden in blaming, passive-aggressive behavior," Page explains. And as Birkel notes, that hidden request is often compassion and understanding.

For starters, there might be an apology you can and should make if you did actually hurt this person (intentionally or not). Birkel suggests starting there, and to emphasize that you understand why they're feeling the way they do. That can sound like "I understand why you're upset, and I apologize for X."

Then, once the apology is made earnestly and accepted, perhaps a couple of hours later, he says you can bring up that you didn't appreciate the way they approached the conversation, saying something like, "Again, I understand why you were upset, and I felt like you were trying to make to feel guilty, so I'm hoping you could communicate with me more directly about what's going on for you in the future."

Ultimately, Page says, it's important that you and the other person both get to speak your mind about how you're really feeling. In some cases, for instance, you might be letting somebody down and disappointing them, but that doesn't mean that you have anything to feel guilty for; you just might not be able to meet their expectations, he explains. "On the other hand, when you listen to what they want and need, if it feels valid, you might want to reconsider your actions," he adds.

It comes down to honest, open, and vulnerable communication, which is a skill that can take time to cultivate. But the good news is, the more you practice healthy communication , the easier it becomes over time.

The bottom line.

Guilt tripping can range from small, rare instances to extreme cases of manipulation. If things escalate to the point of emotional abuse , remove yourself from the situation as best you can. Otherwise, guilt tripping is a behavior (albeit a frustrating one) that can be worked on and improved with healthy communication and vulnerability.

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Definition of guilt-trip

 (Entry 1 of 2)

transitive verb

Definition of guilt trip  (Entry 2 of 2)

Examples of guilt-trip in a Sentence

These examples are programmatically compiled from various online sources to illustrate current usage of the word 'guilt-trip.' Any opinions expressed in the examples do not represent those of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Send us feedback about these examples.

Word History

1974, in the meaning defined above

1970, in the meaning defined above

Dictionary Entries Near guilt-trip

Cite this entry.

“Guilt-trip.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary , Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/guilt-trip. Accessed 27 Apr. 2024.

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What is guilt tripping (a definition), guilt tripping examples.

Guilt Tripping Phrases

Is guilt tripping manipulation, is guilt tripping a form of abuse, is guilt tripping a form of gaslighting.

Guilt Tripping From Parents

How to stop guilt tripping, video: watch this to never feel guilty again.

Guilt Tripping Quotes

• “People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That’s not the idea at all.” – Pema Chodron
• “Once you become a mother, you always have a guilt trip. You always try to do the best, but you feel you can always be better.” – Gal Gadot
• “The journey of life is both too short and too precious to be sidetracked by guilt trips.” – Bill Crawford
• “We know that babies develop as well in nonmaternal as in maternal care, as long as the care is of good quality. The issue is not who gives the care but the quality of that care… The guilt trip is, in my view, a hangover of another era and of unacknowledged tactics to keep women in their proper place—at home full-time.” – Sandra Scarr

Articles Related to  Guilt Tripping

• Guilt: Definition, Types, & Differences Versus Shame
• Are You an Empath? 10 Empathic Traits
• Gaslighting: Definition, Examples, & Signs
• Love Bombing: Definition, Examples, & Psychology

Books Related to Guilt Tripping

• Narcissistic Abuse: A Guide To Rebuilding Self-Esteem
• Escaping Toxic Guilt: Five Proven Steps to Free Yourself from Guilt for Good
• Guilt Trip: My Quest to Leave the Baggage Behind

Final Thoughts on Guilt Tripping

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• Baumeister, R. F., Stillwell, A. M., & Heatherton, T. F. (1994). Guilt: an interpersonal approach . Psychological Bulletin , 115 (2), 243-267.
• Baumeister, R., Stillwell, A., & Heatherton, T. (1995). Personal narratives about guilt: role in action control and interpersonal relationships . Basic and Applied Psychology, 17 , 173-198.
• Fischer, A. (2022). Then again, what is manipulation? A broader view of a much-maligned concept . Philosophical Explorations , 25 (2), 170-188.
• Follingstad, D. R., Coyne, S., & Gambone, L. (2005). A representative measure of psychological aggression and its severity . Violence and Victims , 20 (1), 25-38.
• Frost, R.O., Steketee, G., Cohn, L., & Griess, K. (1994). Personality traits in subclinical and non-obsessive compulsive volunteers and their parents . Behavior Research and Therapy, 32 , 47–56.
• Leith, K., Baumeister, R. (2008). Empathy, shame, guilt, and narratives of interpersonal conflict: guilt- prone people are better at perspective taking , Journal of Personality, 66 , 1-37.
• Lewis, H. B. (1971). Shame and guilt in neurosis . Psychoanalytic Review , 58 (3), 419.
• Mandara, J., & Pikes, C. (2008). Guilt trips and love withdrawal: does mother’s use of psychological control predict depressive symptoms among African American adolescents , Family Relations, 57 , 602- 612.
• Price, G. (1990). Non-rational guilt in victims . Dissociation, 3 , 160-164.
• Simon, G. K. (2010). In sheep’s clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative people . Little Rock, AR: Parkhurst Brothers.
• Winner, N. A., & Nicholson, B. C. (2018). Overparenting and narcissism in young adults: The mediating role of psychological control . Journal of Child and Family Studies , 27 (11), 3650-3657.
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Warning Signs Of A Guilt Trip

A “guilt trip” may be an attempt by someone to cause another person to feel guilty for something that may not be their responsibility. Guilt tripping may be a form of coercion or psychological manipulation, or it may be self-inflicted. While there are methods to overcome and resist guilt trips, you might want to have a complete understanding of all that a guilt trip entails in order to avoid them.

What are guilt trips? 

People who attempt to cause guilt in others through guilt trips may do so out of an urge to get revenge, cause an emotional response, or remove responsibility from themselves for an action or behavior. 

A guilt trip is often unhealthy and unreasonable. Anyone may be on the receiving end of a guilt trip . If you wonder if you have been guilt tripped, there are several warning signs to look out for. An awareness of the signals might help you set, and keep, healthy boundaries. 

Signs you are experiencing a guilt trip 

Dealing with people who use guilt-tripping tactics honestly requires understanding their intentions to make someone else feel responsible for a complaint or behavior. These tactics can include nagging, refusing to let up on the subject, or blaming the victim outright. A study of these behaviors reveals that they often cause emotional distress, making it easier for the manipulator to gain control over the situation. Thanks to increased awareness, it's possible to recognize and avoid such scenarios.

One example of a guilt trip includes someone visiting a new city and being approached by an individual trying to sell wares. They might tell you no one wants their product and that you’re the only one who can help them while refusing any attempts you make to set a boundary. Or they may physically put their product in your hands and tell you that you must buy it now that it was touched. This behavior is an example of a guilt trip being used to induce a response. 

Guilt-tripping behaviors may include isolation, silent treatments, or explicit antagonism. The behavior often upsets the target enough that the individual may gain control over the situation. Individuals employing this tactic may bring up past occasions to stir feelings of guilt. They could make statements like, “look how much I did for you;” “if it weren’t for me, where would you be?;” and “remember when I was there for you.” 

You might feel tempted to support them to pay them back for previous support, or to get them to stop asking. On the surface, it could appear that the individual is being reasonable. However, they may not be. A person who supports you with pure intentions is not likely to later bribe/threaten you with that occurrence for personal gain. 

When do guilt trips happen? 

Those who are the target of  guilt trips may be families, close friends, or partners. An attachment with someone may cause them to feel they can manipulate you. The target of the manipulative individual may catch on and feel conflicted. Guilt could turn into resentment or unease in a relationship, which could cause a subject to want to retaliate or end a relationship. 

Children may experience a guilt trip from their caregivers because they are often defenseless and might not recognize signs of psychological abuse . A parent may ask their children to care for them, ignore mistreatment, or behave in unhealthy ways to reward them for basic needs, such as food, water, or care. Children who are the targets of a guilt trip from parents may grow up struggling with their mental health and avoid their parents. They may suffer from low self-esteem and other emotional issues. 

At times, a guilt trip may be rooted in a desire for attention or reassurance, and it's true that an individual might try to make another person feel guilty if they feel bad about their own actions. Over the course of several weeks, one may observe how these words and actions can transfer blame and responsibility through a guilt trip, even when it's misplaced.

How to avoid guilt trips

Below are a few methods of avoiding a guilt trip from others and setting firm boundaries. 

Maintain high self-esteem 

Vulnerable individuals who suffer from low self-esteem, or difficulty saying “no,” may face guilt trips throughout life. They may doubt themselves and ignore their intuition when an unhealthy behavior occurs. If you feel an intuitive sense that a situation is unhealthy, it might be. Maintain self-esteem by surrounding yourself with healthy individuals, learning to  set boundaries , and caring for your mental and physical health daily. 

Stand up for yourself 

If you’re being pushed to feel bad for something you didn’t do, stand up for yourself and tell the individual that what they’re doing is unhealthy and you aren’t going to accept the guilt trip. Tell them “no” if they’re making a request that feels wrong. If they persist, leave the situation when possible.

Distance yourself 

Promptly and permanently ending contact with someone trying to manipulate you may be valuable. If a relationship feels unhealthy, one-sided, or controlling, it might be detrimental to your mental and physical health. In some cases, it may be considered emotional abuse.* 

If you believe you have been the target of a guilt trip or feel you may be in the company of someone who is manipulating you, expert advice tailored to your situation may make a meaningful difference. 

*If you are facing, or witnessing, abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 for support. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also use the online chat .

Counseling options 

People can find their way to therapy through a number of avenues. You may talk to a doctor about your mental health struggles so they can offer their professional medical advice. Diagnosis or treatments for mental heatlh conditions may be suggested and your doctor may be able to help with those options. They may also refer you to psychiatrist for official diagnosis and to prescribe any medications to help manage symptoms of a mental health condition. You may also receive referrals to a therapist to talk to a professional about your mental health challenges or for help managing difficult situations such as how to handle someone who regularly guilt trips you.

You may also consider online therapy if you’re looking for a discreet and affordable option. With online counseling, you can speak to a counselor through live chat, phone calls, or video calling. 

Either in-person or online therapy can be beneficial, although they are  equally effective . Additionally, studies show that online counseling can be especially effective for those healing from, or experiencing, abuse or unhealthy relationships. If you’re interested in trying an internet-based treatment method, consider a platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.

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“Rebecca has helped me talk about very personal things I have pushed aside for years. In doing so, I’ve opened up and have had realizations about past experiences, and lifted guilt off me.”

“Loretta has undoubtedly changed my life. In my late attempt to deal with trauma she has shown me the light at the end of the tunnel. Through various strategies and methods she has provided me, I have become less paranoid, guilt-ridden, and anxious. I am so glad I decided to start using BetterHelp and was paired with Loretta.”

Frequently asked questions (FAQs)

Below are a few frequently asked questions regarding a guilt trip.

What does guilt feel like?  

When you feel guilty, you may feel ashamed, worthless, unkind, or upset. You might obsess over your actions and wonder how you could’ve improved. You may begin to believe that you must make changes to make up for the impacts of your perceived actions. Guilty feelings might make you feel paranoid, sad, alone, or helpless. 

Although a guilt trip may bring on guilt, you might also feel guilty when you have done something against your moral code, hurt someone else, or made a mistake. In these cases, guilt may be a healthy response to help prompt you to consider how to improve your behaviors in the future. 

Why do I feel so guilty?

Feeling guilt can be natural when you have intentionally or accidentally hurt someone. If you have done something wrong, guilt may help guide you to apologize or make up for your actions. 

However, if you feel guilty for something you didn’t do or for the actions of another, you might be experiencing a guilt trip. Ask yourself if you have a responsibility in the situation. If not, why do you feel guilty? Are you trying to take responsibility for another person’s emotions? In these cases, stepping back and deciding what is healthiest might benefit you. 

What are self-inflicted guilt trips?

Self-inflicted guilt may be guilt you force on yourself, even if you did not do something wrong. You might feel better blaming yourself before someone else does. Or, you might believe you should feel guilty for an honest mistake. Often, a self-inflicted guilt trip may occur even if no one is blaming you or trying to make you feel guilty. 

If you find yourself criticizing yourself often and being hard on yourself when you make mistakes, it may be a sign that speaking to a counselor could benefit you. 

What should I do when someone wants me to feel guilty?

If someone wants you to feel guilty, ask yourself if you have done something against your moral code or have hurt someone else intentionally or unintentionally. If you’re struggling to understand your part in a situation, professional guidance or talking to a close friend could help you decide. Accept responsibility if you have done something wrong. However, note that humans may make mistakes, and respect any efforts to do your best throughout the situation. 

Try not to apologize for a situation that was not your fault. If you are being manipulated into buying a product, acting a certain way, or staying in a relationship via a guilt trip, consider setting a boundary and saying “no.” If you struggle to do so, a therapist could help you learn healthy ways to set boundaries with others.

What are the long-term effects of guilt trips?

You might not experience long-term effects, depending on how a guilt trip has impacted you. However, if the guilt trip is constant or severe, you might notice a drop in self-esteem or difficulty trusting others. In some cases, low self-esteem or an unhealthy relationship may cause symptoms of depression or anxiety. 

How can I set boundaries?

Set limits on your time, body, belongings, space, and attention. If someone else is trying to do something that harms you, let them know you do not accept it. You might try these phrases: 

• “Please leave me alone.”
• “I am not interested.”
• “No. I will not repeat myself.” 
• “I can’t have this conversation.” 
• “Let’s talk about something else.”
• “If you continue pushing me, I will end this friendship.” 
• “This behavior is unhealthy, and I will not accept it.” 
• “Please stop.” 

Should I leave someone who is constantly trying to make me feel guilty?

You may choose to leave someone if the relationship does not feel healthy. A constant guilt trip could be unhealthy or emotionally abusive behavior. If you feel judged, pressured, or disrespected in your relationship, it could benefit you to choose to stay or leave. A therapist could be valuable if you want support in deciding what to do. 

How can you deal with guilt?

If you are struggling with guilt, or with a guilt trip, determine whether it is healthy or unhealthy guilt. If it is healthy guilt, appropriate to the situation, do the following:

• Acknowledge what you did wrong
• Sincerely apologize once for your behavior
• Ask the individual how you can make amends 
• Attempt to make amends in a way that is consensual and feels healthy 
• Make appropriate changes to your behavior
• Accept what happened and note what you can do to improve in the future 

Healthy guilt may help you make personal growth. However, unhealthy guilt that is out of proportion to what happened or is undeserved may cause turmoil. Try the following in these cases: 

• Ask yourself where the guilt is coming from (you or someone else)
• Sort out what you are responsible for and what you aren’t
• Recognize you have the right to set limits for yourself 
• Ensure you are not pressuring yourself 
• Set and keep clear boundaries with others
• Practice meditation, mindfulness, deep breathing, or systematic muscle relaxation 

How can a therapist help me with guilt?

A therapist for guilt may offer advice, diagnosis, or treatment, depending on your unique situation. You might discuss the situation that led you to feel guilty. Additionally, your therapist could help you understand if the situation is healthy or if someone else is pressuring you. They might outline a treatment plan to help you move forward.

What is considered guilt-tripping? What is an example of guilt trip? Is guilt-tripping gaslighting? Is a guilt trip toxic? Is a guilt trip a narcissist? Is a guilt trip a form of control?

• Potential causes of feeling wracked with guilt Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson , MA
• What is an admission of guilt? Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia , LCSW
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Meaning of guilt trip in English

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• be/weigh on your conscience idiom
• breastbeating
• feel bad idiom
• guilt complex
• melancholia
• regretfully
• remorsefully

guilt trip | Intermediate English

Examples of guilt trip, translations of guilt trip.

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• Informal. a feeling of guilt or responsibility, especially one not justified by reality.

[ gilt -trip ]

verb (used with object)

• Informal. to attempt to instill a guilt trip in; play upon the guilt feelings of. guilt ( def 4 ) .

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Word history and origins.

Origin of guilt trip 1

Example Sentences

Apps can give you reminders, accountability, guilt trips, or even a personal habit coach, but in the end you still have to do the work — you can’t app your way to a better self.

I hesitate to respond to the re-hashing of your antiquated guilt trip on women to get married.

There are no real medical reasons for such a disgusting invasive procedure, other than a politically legislated guilt trip.

Will he be able to guilt-trip, shame, or otherwise compel American Muslims to communicate more with law enforcement?

Words and phrases

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guilt trip noun

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What does the noun guilt trip mean?

There is one meaning in OED's entry for the noun guilt trip . See ‘Meaning & use’ for definition, usage, and quotation evidence.

How common is the noun guilt trip ?

How is the noun guilt trip pronounced, british english, u.s. english, where does the noun guilt trip come from.

Earliest known use

The earliest known use of the noun guilt trip is in the 1970s.

OED's earliest evidence for guilt trip is from 1972, in the writing of J. Rossner.

guilt trip is formed within English, by compounding.

Etymons: guilt n. , trip n. 1

Nearby entries

• guilter, n. a1300–82
• guiltful, adj. 1655–1791
• guiltfully, adv. c1480
• guiltily, adv. 1597–
• guiltiness, n. c1480–
• guilting, adj. Old English–1382
• guiltist, n. 1693
• guiltless, adj. c1175–
• guiltlessly, adv. 1548–
• guiltlessness, n. 1571–
• guilt trip, n. 1972–
• guilt-trip, v. 1977–
• guiltwite, n. Old English–1706
• guilty, adj. Old English–
• guilty knowledge, n. 1800–
• guiltyship, n. 1557
• guily, adj. c1430–1530
• guimauve, n. 1812–
• guimbard, n. 1830–
• guimpe, n. 1688–
• guindall, n. 1628

Meaning & use

I want to make it clear that nobody's sending me on any guilt trip over my money.

You start laying guilt trips on me and I don't need it, okay?

Mum, don't lay a guilt trip on us.

Ever the master of the guilt-trip , he finally said, ‘And this is how you kids repay me?’

Everyone in my family has a tendency toward manipulative behavior, but it's going beyond that. I can't begin to describe the guilt trip each one separately is laying on me!

• guilt 1567– An unpleasant feeling of having committed wrong or failed in an obligation; a guilty feeling.
• guilt trip 1972– An episode of severe, often excessive or unjustified self-reproach, esp. one deliberately provoked by another person; a state of mind in which a…
• self-condemnation 1591– The action of blaming oneself for something.
• self-accusing 1602– The action or an act of accusing oneself.
• self-reproving 1608– The action or an act of reproving oneself; (a) self-reproof.
• self-accusation 1616– The action of accusing oneself; an accusation made against oneself.
• self-reproof a1631– Reproof or censure of oneself; (severe) self-reproach. Also (and in earliest use): an instance of this; a reproving thought or utterance about…
• self-reflection 1656–1844 A critical or reproachful thought about oneself. Cf. reflection , n. II.9. Obsolete .
• self-reproach 1683– The action or fact of reproaching or blaming oneself; reproach directed towards oneself. Also (and in earliest use): an instance of this; a…
• self-reproachment 1802– The action or fact of reproaching or blaming oneself; self-reproach.
• self-reproval 1823– Reproval or censure of oneself; an instance of this; = self-reproof , n.
• self-reproachingness 1850–

Pronunciation

• ð th ee
• ɬ rhingy ll

Some consonants can take the function of the vowel in unstressed syllables. Where necessary, a syllabic marker diacritic is used, hence <petal> /ˈpɛtl/ but <petally> /ˈpɛtl̩i/.

• a trap, bath
• ɑː start, palm, bath
• ɔː thought, force
• ᵻ (/ɪ/-/ə/)
• ᵿ (/ʊ/-/ə/)

Other symbols

• The symbol ˈ at the beginning of a syllable indicates that that syllable is pronounced with primary stress.
• The symbol ˌ at the beginning of a syllable indicates that that syllable is pronounced with secondary stress.
• Round brackets ( ) in a transcription indicate that the symbol within the brackets is optional.

View the pronunciation model here .

* /d/ also represents a 'tapped' /t/ as in <bitter>

Some consonants can take the function of the vowel in unstressed syllables. Where necessary, a syllabic marker diacritic is used, hence <petal> /ˈpɛd(ə)l/ but <petally> /ˈpɛdl̩i/.

• i fleece, happ y
• æ trap, bath
• ɑ lot, palm, cloth, thought
• ɔ cloth, thought
• ɔr north, force
• ə strut, comm a
• ər nurse, lett er
• ɛ(ə)r square
• æ̃ sal on

Simple Text Respell

Simple text respell breaks words into syllables, separated by a hyphen. The syllable which carries the primary stress is written in capital letters. This key covers both British and U.S. English Simple Text Respell.

b, d, f, h, k, l, m, n, p, r, s, t, v, w and z have their standard English values

• arr carry (British only)
• a(ng) gratin
• o lot (British only)
• orr sorry (British only)
• o(ng) salon

guilt trip typically occurs about 0.07 times per million words in modern written English.

guilt trip is in frequency band 3, which contains words occurring between 0.01 and 0.1 times per million words in modern written English. More about OED's frequency bands

Frequency of guilt trip, n. , 1970–2010

* Occurrences per million words in written English

Historical frequency series are derived from Google Books Ngrams (version 2), a data set based on the Google Books corpus of several million books printed in English between 1500 and 2010.

The overall frequency for a given word is calculated by summing frequencies for the main form of the word, any plural or inflected forms, and any major spelling variations.

For sets of homographs (distinct entries that share the same word-form, e.g. mole , n.¹, mole , n.², mole , n.³, etc.), we have estimated the frequency of each homograph entry as a fraction of the total Ngrams frequency for the word-form. This may result in inaccuracies.

Smoothing has been applied to series for lower-frequency words, using a moving-average algorithm. This reduces short-term fluctuations, which may be produced by variability in the content of the Google Books corpus.

Compounds & derived words

• guilt-trip , v. 1977– transitive. To instil or attempt to instil feelings of guilt or remorse in (a person), often in order to induce him or her into a particular course…

Entry history for guilt trip, n.

guilt trip, n. was first published in September 2001.

guilt trip, n. was last modified in July 2023.

oed.com is a living text, updated every three months. Modifications may include:

• further revisions to definitions, pronunciation, etymology, headwords, variant spellings, quotations, and dates;
• new senses, phrases, and quotations.

Revisions and additions of this kind were last incorporated into guilt trip, n. in July 2023.

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Citation details

Factsheet for guilt trip, n., browse entry.

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

Guilt is aversive and—like shame , embarrassment , or pride—has been described as a self-conscious emotion , involving reflection on oneself. People may feel guilt for a variety of reasons , including acts they have committed (or think that they committed), a failure to do something they should have done, or thoughts that they think are morally wrong.

• What Is Guilt?
• Coping With Guilt

When one causes harm to another, guilt is a natural emotional response. Guilt is self-focused but also highly socially relevant: It’s thought to serve important interpersonal functions by, for example, encouraging the repair of valuable relationships and discouraging acts that could damage them. But in excess, guilt may needlessly burden those who experience it.

Given how uncomfortable guilt can feel, it can provide a strong motivation to apologize , correct or make up for a wrong, and behave responsibly. Since doing so helps preserve social bonds and avoid harm to others, guilt, despite being a “negative” feeling, can sometimes be good. Research suggests that guilt-proneness may be related to empathy as well as trustworthiness .

Not necessarily. The degree to which people feel guilt varies, and those with certain personalities may experience relatively little (if any) guilt. A lack of guilt and remorse is one characteristic that experts have used to diagnose psychopathy .

Shame and guilt are two closely related concepts. While each has been defined in different ways, guilt is typically linked to some specific harm, real or perceived, and shame involves negative feelings about one's self more generally.

Excessive guilt can be a feature of certain forms of mental illness, including depression and post- traumatic stress disorder. The tendency to feel shame has also been associated with depression, anxiety , and other psychological symptoms. Factors such as social stigma related to one’s characteristics may also make shame more likely

Children begin to feel guilt and may try to make up for guilt-inducing acts by their second year, research suggests, though the experience of guilt and associated behaviors appear to continue developing throughout childhood .

Survivor’s guilt (or survivor guilt) is an emotional experience that results from being relatively unharmed by a situation, compared to others. When one emerges from an accident or a conflict alive while others have died, for example, that person may experience survivor’s guilt—despite not being responsible for the others’ deaths. 

Feeling guilt after a misdeed is normal and can often be remedied by apologizing and taking steps to make up for whatever pain or offense has been caused. But many feel guilt that is out of proportion to the harm they have caused, or even disconnected from any real harm. In such cases, it may be necessary to reflect on the reasons for one’s feelings of guilt—perhaps in conversation with a counselor or therapist, especially when an underlying mental health condition may be involved.

Though pervasive feelings of guilt are not necessarily a sign of an underlying mental health condition, they can be. Widely used criteria include regular feelings of “excessive or inappropriate guilt” among the symptoms of major depressive disorder and bipolar disorder , and guilt plays a role in other disorders as well. The guilt may be related to repeatedly thinking about minor failures or stem from things that are not actually within a person’s control. 

Yes. Someone may feel survivor guilt despite bearing no responsibility for circumstances that have harmed others. People with certain kinds of mental illness may feel unwarranted guilt as part of their condition—such as guilt for “bad” intrusive thoughts, in the case of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) .

When guilt stems from something you did to someone , apologizing and seeking to avoid repeating your behavior is one clear way to respond and could help you achieve self-forgiveness . But sometimes guilt is unrelated to actual misbehavior or becomes counterproductive. Remedies for unnecessary guilt may include reflecting on factors that were beyond your control, acknowledging what you know now that you didn’t in the past, and considering whether your standards for yourself are too unforgiving. 

Yes. Given that guilt can be excessive or undeserved and that guilt can be an aspect of some mental health conditions, therapy can be helpful for addressing intense guilt. There are evidence-supported treatments for depression , for post-traumatic stress disorder , and for other conditions that involve pronounced feelings of guilt (though therapy may be helpful even in the absence of a diagnosed condition).

When someone tries to instill guilt to get another to behave a certain way—an act often associated with mothers and their children —responding with empathy, while also setting limits when necessary, could help in getting out of the guilt trip . That may include acknowledging the importance of what the guilt-tripping person wants while also asking them to express their wants directly and to respect your decisions.

Children benefit from parents’ encouragement and instruction on how to offer a sincere apology to those they have hurt.

When our minds get stuck, it can be an incredibly painful experience. Here are four strategies to break free.

When feelings of shame are triggered by self-criticism, it can be intensely painful. It's helpful to distinguish shame from guilt and have some ways to cope with shame.

There are times in life when you will be depositing more in the work account and other times in the life account, but in the end, the books will balance themselves out.

Subjective encounters with deceased family members are common across cultures. Supernatural experiences with dead pets may help bereaved dog lovers cope with extended grief.

Differentiating shame from guilt and how to target your shame.

The movie "One Life" is about irrational guilt and the difficulty of forgiving oneself for something one has no control over.

Feelings of guilt and shame can often accompany ADHD. Learn what triggers guilt and shame and how you can best cope with it.

For some journalists, ignoring the crimes of corrupt or genocidal politicians, human traffickers, and drug cartels is worse than facing the repercussions of exposing such crimes.

Experiencing opposite needs at the same time can make us feel stuck.

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